If I Told You
by Milk and Glass
Summary: A request oneshot, last one of the bunch! Meredith and Addison get stuck in an elevator after "What I Am" in Season 3 on Meredith's first day back from her appendectomy and have an awkward conversation about when Mere was high. Not femslashy but h/cish.


Some say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Right? Cliché. And Meredith hates clichés. She hates them so much, in fact, that when she gets stuck in an elevator with her boss/nemesis/whatever you want to call her, she almost feels like vomiting with the trite comedy slapstick idiocy of it all. Because Addison certainly isn't someone she's ever felt comfortable around. And Addison doesn't look like she's really pleased to be stuck with her husband's mistress, either. But why she has to roll her eyes, Meredith has no idea. She didn't plan this. She never plans to be a thorn in Addison's side.

Meredith bangs a hand against the elevator door; she curses under her breath. It's already been a bad day. Her first day back from the appendectomy and she hasn't had time to take an Advil, so her abdomen hurts and she's really tired from trying to deal with the pain and the stress of trying to catch up to her competitive fellow interns. She was assigned to Addison today, as a sadistic act of Dr. Bailey's for arriving ten seconds late because she had to pee. She had to pee! Take care of a bodily function! And now that's warranted punishment.

There are other reasons besides vague dislike for Addison that are bothering her about this situation. Derek mentioned that Addison had pulled him aside just before Meredith's appendectomy and told him that she'd had a conversation with her. The thing is, Meredith doesn't remember that conversation. She barely remembers anything about the morphine except that there was a wonderful time where there was no pain at all. And that now she knows why people get addicted. But she has no idea what she said and no one is willing to tell her, so she's just trying to avoid everyone's eyes and get on with her day. But if she'd talked to Addison, and now she's being forced to work with Addison . . . it's just not a good combination.

She looks up and catches Addison, her hair straight and pulled back at the top, watching her fumble with the emergency button with an amused expression. "Problems, Grey?"

"No," says Meredith, sounding defensive. "I want to get out of here so we can get on with some work." Pain is making her sharp and Addison raises an eyebrow in surprise.

"No need to get snippety." She heaves herself off the wall, still with the grace she exudes in everything, and comes over, deftly pulling out the emergency button. Almost immediately, a faint alarm goes off. Addison smiles. "Same elevators as Mt. Sinai."

"Great," Meredith murmurs, and leans up against the wall, holding her abdomen. "Shit."

"Did you need another day off?" Addison's voice is gentle, but Meredith won't meet her eyes. "Appendectomies can take a little longer than the two weeks they suggest resting."

"I just don't have any Advil," says Meredith unwillingly. "It doesn't matter. They'll get us out soon." She slumps to the floor and crosses her legs.

Addison sits down beside her, elegantly folding her legs under her skirt. "Grey, what else is going on with you?" She blinks and looks slightly annoyed. "You're being rude, you're in a rotten mood – are you really tired and in a lot of pain or have I done something to piss you off, here?"

Meredith scowls and looks down. "What did I say to you when I was on morphine?"

To her surprise, Addison blushes. "Ah. That's what's on your mind."

"Well, did I make a complete fool of myself?" Meredith's cheeks are red, but she's determined to find out. "Did I ask you something stupid?"

Addison is silent for a moment, twisting Meredith's stomach, and then she clears her throat. "It wasn't anything crazy. You were tired and sick and high."

"Don't cop out." Meredith's voice is sharp, again, and Addison looks up defensively.

"You really want to know?" She looks Meredith directly in the eyes. "You asked me how I knew Derek was the one for me. And you told me that he'd hurt you. Which, you know, was a little over the top. But you were sick, and . . . I just wanted to make sure he knew what you had said. What the truth was."

Meredith frowns again. "I'm surprised I would have said anything to you. You hate me for getting Derek's attention and I'm not fond of you either because you throw a wrench into everything."

Addison is silent. "But you don't hate me."

"No. I never hated you." Meredith realizes, without the help of drugs, that this is true. "I never did. How could I hate you? You were so much of a better, graceful person than me. I begged him to choose me and he chose you. It was the obvious choice, I guess."

Addison's face softens and she sighs. "I don't hate you. I did, but none of any of this was your fault."

Meredith falls quiet and the two listen to the faint ringing of the alarm far above their heads for a moment. When she looks up, there are tears in her eyes. "He still doesn't want to choose me. He still feels like he isn't a good enough man. And all I want is for him to just pay full attention, you know?"

Addison moves closer to Meredith; she puts her arms around the thin shoulders and Meredith, partly because she's tired and partly because she's in pain, leans against Addison. "He does love you. He loves you much more than he ever loved me, even at the beginning."

Meredith sighs, rubs at her eyes, tries to smile. "Then why can't he show it?"

Just then, there's banging at the doors and the two break apart and stand, brushing off scrubs and skirts. The doors come open and the technicians and Dr. Bailey are standing there.

"Grey, we need you in the E.R. Dr. Montgomery, can I assign you another intern?"

Addison sighs, casts a wry look at Meredith, and then smiles. "You know, Miranda, I think I'd prefer to stick with Grey. She knows the case and we're on our way to prep. She's going to scrub in. Sorry."

Bailey shrugs and Meredith dumbly follows Addison down the hall. Just before they get to the patient's room, Addison turns to Meredith.

"He will show it; he shows it in his own way. If you really love him, keep pushing. He's worth it. And I know he thinks you're worth it, too."

Meredith smiles at the older woman with the fine lines around her eyes and the tired expression on her face and feels warmer than she ever has towards her before.

"You're worth it, too. And if I had to have competition, well. I'm glad that person was you."

Addison turns the handle of the door and says nothing, but she hands the chart and two Advil to Meredith and gives her a smile.

"Thanks, Grey."


End file.
